Lime aroma and essence of tequila on first sip. Then, unbalanced blue agave nectar and awkward yeast crud lead to cloy 7-Up cheapness, leaving this “alco-pop” closer to ill-advised wine cooler than low level herbal beer. Disgusting.

Palest yellow pearl-headed crud with dried maize waft suffers from slick corn syrup flow, cloy malt stickiness, and dismal finish. Slim barley-wheat base, mild carbolic hops, and sour candy whim don’t suffice.

Disgustingly gross faux-wine cooler with beleaguered lemon-limed 7-Up spritz. Who buys this rueful drool?  Trendy ’90s-bound seltzer-spumed scum suckers. ‘Zumthing Ztupid.’

Canadian version of Carlsberg strong lager found on Montreal trip ’06. Cloy glutenous malting and phenol hop bittering slacken crisp water briskness. Rugged corn-starched resolve and musty grained finish decrease value further. Pungent alcohol aftertaste lacks fortitude.

Vital statistics: 8% alcohol in 32 ounce can for 99 cents. One-dimensional cloying corn malts and clinging Brussels lace never dissipate as musty barley-wheat rounds out dire diacetyl bottom. Compares favorably to France’s feeble Fritz Brau.

Listless lemon-dried pearl-headed clear-yellowed African brew retains soft-grained moderate strength and mildewed bitter resolve emulating German-styled lager, but weak-bodied nature and unassuming alcohol-saturated finish lessen its value.

Grainy water-based simplicity sweetened by slovenly sugared corn malts. Faint hops don’t provide enough bitterness to dull finish. Listless blue collar fodder somehow better under Molson banner. Maybe it’s the water source.

Hefty 7.3% alcohol content negatively affects musty barley aroma, buttery Scotch mouthfeel, sticky sugar malt persistence and sweet cherry backdrop. Worse, delicate hop-backed diacetyl finish lacks pizzazz. Dry fruit jag and creamed corn respite cannot overcome soapy flow.

Soft white-headed clear-toned dry-bodied musty-hopped non-alcoholic ‘malt beverage’ has bright, sunny disposition and ultra light resolution. Spry hop perk disguises lack of grain bite and true grit, yet crystal water crispness, polite bitterness, and lemon freshness appeals to tolerant lightweights.

Bitterly dank corn malts corrupt syrupy butterscotch-sourdough pleasantry and fizzy-hopped lemony sourness of steadied yeast-sinewed moderate body. Honeyed raisin-fig acridity falls short to watery carbolic finish. Commonplace, flat, and not nearly as strong as 7% malt liquor indicator. But at $1.99 for 22 ounces, it’s a prudent investment for slumming lager heads.

Despite spoiled malt scent and unassuming nature, this translucent pale body happens to be the best cheap American malt liquor. Fizzy maize mouthfeel, slick hop slack, and white bread slumber merge with slim unripe orange-apricot acridity for uncommonly mild blend.

Brutal 8.5% alcohol-smitten lager better defined as rancid malt liquor with harsh astringency countering cloying corn sugar detriment. Stale dry finish and soapy maize aftertaste further disturb. Priced right for a cheap buzz.