Stolid pale body brings wearisome malt-soured rancidity, glutinous rice-wheat murk, corn-oiled ethanol flow and moldy green grape esters to moderated blunt hop bitterness. Dry rice-sugared lemon spritz stays distant and mild whiskeyed barley roast get pasty at the finish. Beware: Canadian version really stinks up the joint.

From the makers of Old Style, one of Chicago’s best selling beers (advertised during White Sox and Cubs games). In 22-ounce bottle, this clear golden malt liquor suffers from flat palate, though bread-like yeast and creamy sweetness provide mellow flow. Crisper water boosts it above Bud and Coors.

8.1% alcohol burn may put wide-mouth bottled billowy-headed pale lager in oblivious malt liquor category for U.S. consumption. Watery, soft, and soapy with zesty hop flow and sweet malt backdrop obstructed by cloy yeast stickiness. This is some ugly stuff. Swish around cheeks for bland mouthwash appeal.

Unsettling corn syrup mouthfeel and sour candy follow-up disdainfully unappetizing to ponderous flat finish. Lay off, homeboys.

Lime aroma and essence of tequila on first sip. Then, unbalanced blue agave nectar and awkward yeast crud lead to cloy 7-Up cheapness, leaving this “alco-pop” closer to ill-advised wine cooler than low level herbal beer. Disgusting.