Dull rust-clouded witchy brew (check cool label) with hovering sediment brings aromatic floral yeast surge and maize-dried alcohol astringency to askew sugar-spiced finish at expense of blanched cherry-apricot-quince tartness. Cinnamon, coriander, and clove nuances pushed way back due to unwanted diacetyl buttering. Lacks depth of better Belgian strong ales (though posing as less illustrious amber ale).
Monthly Archives: January 2009
(DE BIE) HELLEKAPELLE ARTISANAL BLONDE ALE
Stanky sour malt stench, lime-parched clove mouthfeel, and oily hop flow settle into diffident corn-husked malt liquor palate of peculiar blonde. Barley-rice backdrop recedes to chaffed wheat finish lacking expected floral highlights.
HEINEKEN LIGHT LAGER
Same signature skunked aroma, clear golden hue, and sharp hop carbonation as brewers’ standard, though sourdough pungency negatively affects barren acridity. Also, counterbalanced sweet malting lacks muscle.
HEINEKEN LAGER
Thankfully, one of the first quality European beers imported to America in the ’70s. Its iconoclastic ‘skunk-y’ whiff (usually a distinct drawback due to light-stricken beer bottles) re-enforces the bitter hop prominence and prickly yeast pungency, easing down the throat with an ultra smooth water texture. Still beats all mainstream American lagers for quality. Note: In the faddish bomber can, skunked yeast funk pushed back for sickly cloy nature ruining original essence.
HEINEKEN DARK LAGER
Luminescent chestnut-hued dark brew counters lighter Heineken Lager’s astringent bitterness by straying from typical yeast-soured hop pungency characteristic of most Dutch brews. Pleasing sweet caramel nose leads to roasted barleymalt mouthfeel dominating sweet ‘n sour chocolate, cocoa, and coffee. But timid finish and fizzy assertion block much-needed grain inertia.
(HEILEMAN) STAG LAGER
Deer head label is all to recommend of pale gold bore. Malt-soured maize simplicity meets fizzy flat finish that gets metallic to boot.
HEILEMAN’S SPECIAL EXPORT
Muted sour malt blandness meets alcohol-riddled corn oil cheapness for cruddy cloy finish.
(HEILEMAN) ST. IDES MALT LIQOUR
Unsettling corn syrup mouthfeel and sour candy follow-up disdainfully unappetizing to ponderous flat finish. Lay off, homeboys.
(HEILEMAN) NATIONAL BOHEMIAN LAGER
Formerly nicknamed “Natty” when Baltimore-brewed, this cheaply sour-doughed, phenol-hopped, cumulous-headed pale lager slips into fizzy insignificance, maligning paper thin fresh-cut grass nose, sweet grain minerality and piquant peach-tangerine conflux.
(HEILEMAN) MICKEY’S FINE MALT LIQUOR
From the makers of Old Style, one of Chicago’s best selling beers (advertised during White Sox and Cubs games). In 22-ounce bottle, this clear golden malt liquor suffers from flat palate, though bread-like yeast and creamy sweetness provide mellow flow. Crisper water boosts it above Bud and Coors.
(HEILEMAN’S) KINGSBURY NON-ALCOHOLIC PILSNER
Dreary dry-bodied non-alcohol brew pits chaffed wheat sham against sterile crystal malting and flat hops to soporific finish. An uninviting malt beverage that’s no excuse for an alternative to cheap pilsners.
HEAVYWEIGHT WEE WHALE SCOTCH-STYLE ALE
Wonderfully smooth deep brown full body with dry powdered cocoa permeation and tingly candied liqueur sentiment leaves fleshy yeast clumps at glass bottom. Sweet chocolate midst gathers smoked peat malts and pliant almond-hazelnut toasting secured by roasted hop plethora.