Dreary dry-bodied non-alcohol brew pits chaffed wheat sham against sterile crystal malting and flat hops to soporific finish. An uninviting malt beverage that’s no excuse for an alternative to cheap pilsners.
All posts by John Fortunato
HEAVYWEIGHT WEE WHALE SCOTCH-STYLE ALE
Wonderfully smooth deep brown full body with dry powdered cocoa permeation and tingly candied liqueur sentiment leaves fleshy yeast clumps at glass bottom. Sweet chocolate midst gathers smoked peat malts and pliant almond-hazelnut toasting secured by roasted hop plethora.
HEAVYWEIGHT TWO DRUIDS GRUIT ALE
Vexing Medieval-themed auburn ale plies aromatic single malt Scotch pleasantry to herbal rosemary-peppermint thrust and sugary corn syrup sweetness. Fig-spiced juniper twig bittering strengthens heather-tipped backend and earthen grain bottom of worthy moderate-bodied peculiarity.
HEAVYWEIGHT STICKEN JAB ALT BEER
Sporty bottom-fermented medium-bodied alt (old beer) intensifies hop-charred barley toasting and fruited malt insistence with eloquent wood burnt warmth. Citrus tones overlay chocolate bean bitterness and escalating grain alcohol potency by off-dry fruit-spiced finish.
HEAVYWEIGHT SAISON DE LA SOEUR – SPICY
Spicy 6.2% alcohol version connects orange-quince waft to white-peppered ginger-allspice-sage rage. Residual candi-sugar spunk dots citric endurance belying cinnamon-spiced pumpkin-pied finish of turbidly burnished copper dilly.
HEAVYWEIGHT SAISON DE LA SOUER – HOPPY
Dry lemony orange wisp and tart cider pucker initiate heavily viscous rust-hued summer seasonal. Yeast particles dance amongst withdrawn fruity sweetness, earthen barnyard mustiness, and herbaceous wildflower potpourri before tight nectar finish quickly wanes.
(HEAVYWEIGHT) PERKUNO’S HAMMER IMPERIAL PORTER
Originally drank #58 and #210 of this sophisticated (formerly limited edition) bone-dry porter. Soured cranberry bean tartness, punctual raisin-fig conflux, and syrupy mocha malt residue overtake sinewy chocolate caking, settling to barleywine finish. Coffee undertones gain authority when given a few minutes to breathe in a glass. Brewery defunct: 2007.
HEAVYWEIGHT OLD SALTY BARLEYWINE ALE
Most definitely a slow sipper as its chewy raisin insinuation and sinewy molasses thickness woo pungent 9% alcohol content. Pale malts and spiced hops strengthen mightily robust English-styled barleywine. A bit musty, a tad dry, and not nearly as sweet or wine-y as typical American-bred counterparts.
HEAVYWEIGHT LUNACY BELGIAN STYLE GOLDEN ALE
From its funky dank aroma to its soft malt creaminess, this lusty Garden State golden ale closely resembles both French and Belgian brews due to its heavily carbonated white wine fruitiness, eloquent floral wheat influence, white-peppered coriander stint and dashing barleywine backdrop. Musty grape souring lingers below and minty herbal nuance beckons. Probably not as unique as true Belgian pale ales yet unusually complexity. Aged three years, stunning sherry oxidation saunters.
HEAVYWEIGHT IVY LEAGUE PILSNER-STYLE LAGER
Extremely strong (7.3% alcohol) despite tepid pilsner styling. Highly viscous golden hazed fluid brings rye-malted toasting to honeyed yeast sweetness, lemony grapefruit dryness and mild herbaceous jag. Though lacking up-front resilience, serene mineral graining secures candied citric finish well.
HEAVYWEIGHT CINDERBOCK LAGER
Profound smoked hickory sweetness emphasizes maple wood mouthfeel, peat-y mulch earthiness and piney campfire romp of musty, oceanic-scented, noirish amber bock. But up-front essence lost as foamy flesh-toned head diminishes. Moderate grain thrust squanders honeysuckle nicety, acetous citric snip and docile cherry nip.
(HEAVYWEIGHT) CH-CHUCK BARREL-AGED BROWN ALE
Rather unassuming ruddy-cleared Flemish sour ale hybrid remains surreptitiously flat as aromatic Belgian yeast peppering, dessicated prune juice mouthfeel and oak-dried cherry pucker surround the face. Cork-y nuance enjoins wispy green apple mist, but acidic nature soils its earthy base.