ST. PETER’S WINTER ALE

Pour contents from flask for best results since short neck constricts complexity of headless rust-tinted winter warmer. Pungent spiced-hop bitterness consumes chocolate-covered cherry, rum raisin, dried fig, and cinnamon illusions as malt liquor waft invites buttery Scotch raid. Dainty yeast succulence knocks back residual earthen latency, but watery finish lowers potency to mere dark ale complacency.

ST. PETER’S CREAM STOUT

All St. Peter’s brews bought in unusual small-neck flask-shaped green pint bottles. As best of the bunch, this robust midnight black stout juxtaposes smoked peat, charred oats, burnt toast, and soy milk against lactic sweet chocolate thrust. Silken cappuccino finish picks up roasted coffee bean souring and curt chicory penetration as molasses, vanilla, cookie dough, tobacco chew, and anise illusions gain luster alongside cola-walnut coarsening. Tertiary taffy-cocoa twinge bide time. St. Peter himself sips these at the pearly gates of heaven.

ST. PAULI GIRL PILSENER

Heavily carbonated pale gold medium body with swanky yeast aroma, lively hop penetration, and hearty Bavarian-styled grains softened by crisp water to soapy off-dry finish. Competing Heineken’s bitter malt-hop fizz and Beck’s darker malted grain insistence prove more assertive. We’d swear this had more distinction in the ’80s when it wasn’t mass produced.